any of your beauty products
t-shirts for $20
shoes at half-price
phone plans for 50% less
all I want
is
for things to be better
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
. . .
there's a feeling I get
when I'm falling in
my dreams
but I am always jolted awake before I hit
the bottom.
Like the slight pause before a song changes pitch
or key
my heart leaps that way
lately I've been feeling like
I am missing an integral part of life
with another.
integral for me
but maybe, I've been thinking
make-believe.
when I'm falling in
my dreams
but I am always jolted awake before I hit
the bottom.
Like the slight pause before a song changes pitch
or key
my heart leaps that way
lately I've been feeling like
I am missing an integral part of life
with another.
integral for me
but maybe, I've been thinking
make-believe.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Doctor, Doctor....
...I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
If only it was as easy as that.
I apologise, Montreal. You did not deserve such a vitriolic hammering yesterday. Put it down to the anti-climax of returning home and so many other cities filling my mind's eye. 10 days is the longest I have been anywhere since Sydney (over 5 months ago!) so I should only really expect to feel strange and disjointed.
However, I am unable to apologise for my next rant. In fact, I think it is very well placed and don't understand why more people aren't making a fuss about it (unless they've simply realised that there's no point - thing is, it's the same story with cell phone companies (although I admit they are improving) and banking (quite why I have to pay a bank every month when they make money off my money is still strange to me, let alone the extortionate ATM fees that they are all allowed to charge - whoopsy, did I think that money was mine? Silly old me!) unless Canadians simply too good natured to bother standing up for their consumer rights?).
Prepare yourself...
So, today I had to go back to the doctor after going to a walk-in clinic last week about an ear infection. Why did I have to go to a walk-in? Well...in Quebec, and Montreal in particular (probably Canada as a whole) it is virtually impossible to find a doctor who will accept new patients on appointment. There are these places called CLSCs (free clinics run by the government) where you should be able to get medical care also, but guess what? They don't accept new patients either. So, your only option is to go to a walk-in clinic, where you have to wait anything from 30 - 240+ minutes to see the doctor, who has no idea of your medical history and is often overworked (having seen tonnes of patients before you, day after day after day). Should you be unable to wait that long...tough luck. Should you have a job and cannot get the morning (make that the whole day, just in case) off work, tough luck. Should you have a medical problem and want a GP to follow it: yeah, you guessed it. Tough. Luck.
As you'd expect, this wonderful predicament means that a lot of people end up going to the A&E department of their closest hospital for very minor ailments (or alternatively ones that were minor but are now rather major). This in turn puts a strain on the hospitals that they could do without. So, what is wrong with primary care in Canada?
Some would argue that it's not just a Canadian problem - it is one of social healthcare. Australia and the UK have long had issues with their national healthcare systems, but at least you are able to find a family doctor in those two countries who you can see on appointment and who has some knowledge of your medical history. Could it be that simple - that if we were all willing (not to mention able) to pay more, then healthcare would suddenly improve? How much do doctors get paid anyway, and is it enough? A few articles have been written about it, but none seem to give many conclusive decisions on what can be done, so I decided to come up with some of my own.
1) Pay hospital administrators less and doctors and nurses more. I don't think there is anything wrong with unions per se, but when hospital porters, administrators etc. can strike when the actual care-givers can't, then maybe it's a good idea to give them less power.
2) Something that's been suggested before, but worth repeating. There are lots of qualified immigrants in Canada who could work in the medical industry, but they have to take equivalency tests before they can practice. I can understand this with medical professionals from second and third-world countries where care is completely different, not to mention some of the equipment available, but when those professionals are coming from other western or modern countries? What a waste of potential! Give them some integrational training, put them under the wing of another practising professional (like a mini-internship of sorts, or when you get your hair cut by a student and the senior stylist is on hand..I mean this more for GPs than surgeons etc.) and voila - an influx of doctors who are already here, and qualified.
3) Furthermore, open up more residency positions. More on that and the whole doctor immigration debate here.
3) This thought came to me while my buttocks moulded to the plastic chair beneath them as I sat (for hours) at the clinic the first time: If I were coming here for an immigration medical, I could choose when to see the Dr (though I would have to pay the $195 fee for all the 'tests'). Maybe that's the going rate to get an appointment - should I bribe the receptionists? Joking aside, maybe less doctors should be able to do immigration medicals - which are a huge farce anyway: they check reflexes, blood pressure, weight and eyesight (no matter if you're wearing contact lenses), whether you can walk straight, do a urine and blood test for communicable diseases and a chest x-ray to check for TB. It is up to the individual to divulge any long-term medical problems they may have. Needless to say most people don't.* Then there would be more doctors available for those who really need to see them.
4) Educate. If people understood their bodies better, knew what was good and bad for them, could better comprehend how various systems work (I eat this = I feel sick, get fat, have cholestorol issues; I have a cough, runny nose and sore throat = keep hydrated, rest, get vitamins and see if it improves in a day or 2; I cut my finger slightly with a knife = apply pressure and bandage it; I keep getting dizzy for no reason = go to doctor right away instead of waiting for something terrible to happen, etc.) then they would not need to seek medical attention as much as they do. Prevention is better than cure, as they say.
Really I am just frustrated at always having to wait hours to see a doctor the rare times I have to go, and them having no real clue about my health, medical history, allergies, etc. Not to mention patient-doctor relationship! I did find one thing that made me laugh though when trying to get more information on finding a doctor in Quebec, right here.
My favourite line? "Check out the waiting room and doctor’s offices. Is the general atmosphere comfortable?" Good luck finding that chic new clinic where you can sit for hours, probably even years, waiting to see the doctor.
*I found this page about immigration to Canada. It is of course possible (minimially so) that each doctor treats their immigrant medicals differently, however, I cannot help but scoff about the medical records and 'mental health' bit. Unless you were obviously insane, as in muttering, plucking at yourself and shouting obscenities, talking from my experience (applying for residency in 2004) the designated medical examiners have NO CLUE of your medical history or mental health. They ask if you have any long-term problems and ask about mental health in your family etc., but they would have NO IDEA whether what you were saying was true or not since they only ask you to bring medical records if you have a lifetime-type illness. It is up to you to decide what that may be and whether or not to bring the records - furthermore, how on earth would you find them if you've been living in Montreal the past X years and have no family doctor?
Didn't I see you yesterday?
If only it was as easy as that.
I apologise, Montreal. You did not deserve such a vitriolic hammering yesterday. Put it down to the anti-climax of returning home and so many other cities filling my mind's eye. 10 days is the longest I have been anywhere since Sydney (over 5 months ago!) so I should only really expect to feel strange and disjointed.
However, I am unable to apologise for my next rant. In fact, I think it is very well placed and don't understand why more people aren't making a fuss about it (unless they've simply realised that there's no point - thing is, it's the same story with cell phone companies (although I admit they are improving) and banking (quite why I have to pay a bank every month when they make money off my money is still strange to me, let alone the extortionate ATM fees that they are all allowed to charge - whoopsy, did I think that money was mine? Silly old me!) unless Canadians simply too good natured to bother standing up for their consumer rights?).
Prepare yourself...
So, today I had to go back to the doctor after going to a walk-in clinic last week about an ear infection. Why did I have to go to a walk-in? Well...in Quebec, and Montreal in particular (probably Canada as a whole) it is virtually impossible to find a doctor who will accept new patients on appointment. There are these places called CLSCs (free clinics run by the government) where you should be able to get medical care also, but guess what? They don't accept new patients either. So, your only option is to go to a walk-in clinic, where you have to wait anything from 30 - 240+ minutes to see the doctor, who has no idea of your medical history and is often overworked (having seen tonnes of patients before you, day after day after day). Should you be unable to wait that long...tough luck. Should you have a job and cannot get the morning (make that the whole day, just in case) off work, tough luck. Should you have a medical problem and want a GP to follow it: yeah, you guessed it. Tough. Luck.
As you'd expect, this wonderful predicament means that a lot of people end up going to the A&E department of their closest hospital for very minor ailments (or alternatively ones that were minor but are now rather major). This in turn puts a strain on the hospitals that they could do without. So, what is wrong with primary care in Canada?
Some would argue that it's not just a Canadian problem - it is one of social healthcare. Australia and the UK have long had issues with their national healthcare systems, but at least you are able to find a family doctor in those two countries who you can see on appointment and who has some knowledge of your medical history. Could it be that simple - that if we were all willing (not to mention able) to pay more, then healthcare would suddenly improve? How much do doctors get paid anyway, and is it enough? A few articles have been written about it, but none seem to give many conclusive decisions on what can be done, so I decided to come up with some of my own.
1) Pay hospital administrators less and doctors and nurses more. I don't think there is anything wrong with unions per se, but when hospital porters, administrators etc. can strike when the actual care-givers can't, then maybe it's a good idea to give them less power.
2) Something that's been suggested before, but worth repeating. There are lots of qualified immigrants in Canada who could work in the medical industry, but they have to take equivalency tests before they can practice. I can understand this with medical professionals from second and third-world countries where care is completely different, not to mention some of the equipment available, but when those professionals are coming from other western or modern countries? What a waste of potential! Give them some integrational training, put them under the wing of another practising professional (like a mini-internship of sorts, or when you get your hair cut by a student and the senior stylist is on hand..I mean this more for GPs than surgeons etc.) and voila - an influx of doctors who are already here, and qualified.
3) Furthermore, open up more residency positions. More on that and the whole doctor immigration debate here.
3) This thought came to me while my buttocks moulded to the plastic chair beneath them as I sat (for hours) at the clinic the first time: If I were coming here for an immigration medical, I could choose when to see the Dr (though I would have to pay the $195 fee for all the 'tests'). Maybe that's the going rate to get an appointment - should I bribe the receptionists? Joking aside, maybe less doctors should be able to do immigration medicals - which are a huge farce anyway: they check reflexes, blood pressure, weight and eyesight (no matter if you're wearing contact lenses), whether you can walk straight, do a urine and blood test for communicable diseases and a chest x-ray to check for TB. It is up to the individual to divulge any long-term medical problems they may have. Needless to say most people don't.* Then there would be more doctors available for those who really need to see them.
4) Educate. If people understood their bodies better, knew what was good and bad for them, could better comprehend how various systems work (I eat this = I feel sick, get fat, have cholestorol issues; I have a cough, runny nose and sore throat = keep hydrated, rest, get vitamins and see if it improves in a day or 2; I cut my finger slightly with a knife = apply pressure and bandage it; I keep getting dizzy for no reason = go to doctor right away instead of waiting for something terrible to happen, etc.) then they would not need to seek medical attention as much as they do. Prevention is better than cure, as they say.
Really I am just frustrated at always having to wait hours to see a doctor the rare times I have to go, and them having no real clue about my health, medical history, allergies, etc. Not to mention patient-doctor relationship! I did find one thing that made me laugh though when trying to get more information on finding a doctor in Quebec, right here.
My favourite line? "Check out the waiting room and doctor’s offices. Is the general atmosphere comfortable?" Good luck finding that chic new clinic where you can sit for hours, probably even years, waiting to see the doctor.
*I found this page about immigration to Canada. It is of course possible (minimially so) that each doctor treats their immigrant medicals differently, however, I cannot help but scoff about the medical records and 'mental health' bit. Unless you were obviously insane, as in muttering, plucking at yourself and shouting obscenities, talking from my experience (applying for residency in 2004) the designated medical examiners have NO CLUE of your medical history or mental health. They ask if you have any long-term problems and ask about mental health in your family etc., but they would have NO IDEA whether what you were saying was true or not since they only ask you to bring medical records if you have a lifetime-type illness. It is up to you to decide what that may be and whether or not to bring the records - furthermore, how on earth would you find them if you've been living in Montreal the past X years and have no family doctor?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Plain old ugly
There's no point denying the fact that Montreal, as a city, is rather ugly. I suppose I mean the downtown rather than the whole. Especially when viewed walking towards it down Avenue du Parc: probably due to all the ugly 60s and 70s (please Lord don't let them be more modern than that) brown and grey blocks, as appealing as a root canal with no anaesthetic, or a very blind, very old person's faded clothing.
*A quick detour - something I was thinking the other day...
The elderly start to walk shakily, talk shakily and frailly, and write all spiderly and shakily. They also have a tendency to wear clothes that blend into the background, so you can barely notice them unless they stand against something dramatic like the tarmac. It's as though they are already existing on some other plane, losing their physical tethers to this world. *
So, I was walking down towards the city today and was rather disappointed. I never used to find Montreal ugly, did I? Or maybe when I first moved here from England I did, in parts, then forgot because I came to love it so much. However, with my new and less friendly eyes all I seem to see are closed shops, bars and restaurants, peeling paper on boarded windows, ungainly, ugly lumps of buildings and failed opportunities. Furthermore, despite it supposedly being summer, the weather seems to be successfully failing to live up to most expectations of what this season means. Rain, rain, and more rain. Or some nice blustery wind with a bit of sun to trick you into going outside not fully equipped for what the non-committal (in anything other than disappointing you, weather-wise,) day has to spit up today.
Okay, okay. I have been here for one whole week - eeeek! Just over!! - and am probably on something of a come-down after my trip jaunting around the world; in far warmer climes, I might add. I am not really used to spending much time with others, and although I am very happy to see them, I must admit to feeling somewhat strange around my friends: just so unsure what to say...I seem to have nothing to talk about, other than the same repeated phrases about my trip which start to feel like the same old platitudes you always hear when people 'come back'.
And maybe that's the whole thing. Maybe I ... haven't. Come back, that is. Not the same as I was before.
This sounds obvious, I know. But I have changed. And people around me are still able to carry on with their lives, consuming media, making meals, communicating with friends, going to work. I feel so wholly removed from this process of life. At the same time, some people (and their lives) are really quite different, markedly so, and I am not sure how to fit in there, who I am 'supposed' to be, how I am meant to act. See, this is one of my deep issues, something I battle with on a semi-regular basis. This feeling that, a lot of the time, my persona is something of an act. I decide which role to play (or do I?) then play it out... I don't like this part of me.
Question seems to be, which parts of me DO I like? I thought I had the answer, or part of it. Now after only one week back I am not so sure.
*A quick detour - something I was thinking the other day...
The elderly start to walk shakily, talk shakily and frailly, and write all spiderly and shakily. They also have a tendency to wear clothes that blend into the background, so you can barely notice them unless they stand against something dramatic like the tarmac. It's as though they are already existing on some other plane, losing their physical tethers to this world. *
So, I was walking down towards the city today and was rather disappointed. I never used to find Montreal ugly, did I? Or maybe when I first moved here from England I did, in parts, then forgot because I came to love it so much. However, with my new and less friendly eyes all I seem to see are closed shops, bars and restaurants, peeling paper on boarded windows, ungainly, ugly lumps of buildings and failed opportunities. Furthermore, despite it supposedly being summer, the weather seems to be successfully failing to live up to most expectations of what this season means. Rain, rain, and more rain. Or some nice blustery wind with a bit of sun to trick you into going outside not fully equipped for what the non-committal (in anything other than disappointing you, weather-wise,) day has to spit up today.
Okay, okay. I have been here for one whole week - eeeek! Just over!! - and am probably on something of a come-down after my trip jaunting around the world; in far warmer climes, I might add. I am not really used to spending much time with others, and although I am very happy to see them, I must admit to feeling somewhat strange around my friends: just so unsure what to say...I seem to have nothing to talk about, other than the same repeated phrases about my trip which start to feel like the same old platitudes you always hear when people 'come back'.
And maybe that's the whole thing. Maybe I ... haven't. Come back, that is. Not the same as I was before.
This sounds obvious, I know. But I have changed. And people around me are still able to carry on with their lives, consuming media, making meals, communicating with friends, going to work. I feel so wholly removed from this process of life. At the same time, some people (and their lives) are really quite different, markedly so, and I am not sure how to fit in there, who I am 'supposed' to be, how I am meant to act. See, this is one of my deep issues, something I battle with on a semi-regular basis. This feeling that, a lot of the time, my persona is something of an act. I decide which role to play (or do I?) then play it out... I don't like this part of me.
Question seems to be, which parts of me DO I like? I thought I had the answer, or part of it. Now after only one week back I am not so sure.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Lookin' for work
I am spending a lot of time cleaning. I thought I would: the apartment hasn't really been lived in properly for months and I feel a need to purge after a trip where I discovered I need less than I thought. However, it seems to be taking a long time...probably because I am simultaneously looking for work. There is something oddly promiscuous about sending off cover letter after cover letter, telling people to "feel free" to call you. In the meanwhile, I'm spending as though I have a job. Not going wild but not assiduously counting my pennies either.
In my own strange way, it's as though I think this outlook will bring me a job faster, not because I'll accept any old position once the money's run out (valid point however), but because I am acting almost like I have one, therefore - I hope - that feverish consuming NEED for paying work, any work, will not come off me like the trail of cologne following a hopeful teenager on his first real date. Seeing as I haven't (yet) even been offered any interviews, I might be rightly accused of being a little too optimistic for once, especially considering the current financial/economical climate. As a camel, I spit in the face of such thoughts and continue to whore myself.
Yours faithfully
....
In my own strange way, it's as though I think this outlook will bring me a job faster, not because I'll accept any old position once the money's run out (valid point however), but because I am acting almost like I have one, therefore - I hope - that feverish consuming NEED for paying work, any work, will not come off me like the trail of cologne following a hopeful teenager on his first real date. Seeing as I haven't (yet) even been offered any interviews, I might be rightly accused of being a little too optimistic for once, especially considering the current financial/economical climate. As a camel, I spit in the face of such thoughts and continue to whore myself.
Yours faithfully
....
Monday, July 13, 2009
Back in Montreal, day 1
One short flight (under 2 hours) and I am flying over the lights of Montreal. I look out the window and see the Olympic Stadium with the dark mass of the Botanical Gardens beside it...downtown looks so small and twee! What will it be like to walk these streets (the order of which I have nearly forgotten)?
Josh meets me at the airport - so nice to have a smiling face there to greet you (not to mention a huge hug!)
Being back in Montreal = weird
Sleeping in my own bed = weird
Knowing friends are in the same city = great, but weird
Seeing Morpheus = weird, he looks different
Walking to the shops to buy stuff to clean the house = feels like I am on holiday, or have experienced a strange time shift; it's like when I first moved to the city except I know more where things are
Trying to fix my ear problem without going to the Dr = warm water trickling down my face
Josh meets me at the airport - so nice to have a smiling face there to greet you (not to mention a huge hug!)
Being back in Montreal = weird
Sleeping in my own bed = weird
Knowing friends are in the same city = great, but weird
Seeing Morpheus = weird, he looks different
Walking to the shops to buy stuff to clean the house = feels like I am on holiday, or have experienced a strange time shift; it's like when I first moved to the city except I know more where things are
Trying to fix my ear problem without going to the Dr = warm water trickling down my face
Friday, July 3, 2009
5-O
sitting in the heat
our bodies melting into the sofa
the carpet beneath our feet feels alien
and scratchy
the birds outside
we can pretend their night-time noises
are really our names
being spoken over the sound of the surf
as it hits the shoreline down below
I dream of the moon
reflected in those waters
the rough feel of your fingers
as they close around my wrist
holding me down a little bit longer
our bodies melting into the sofa
the carpet beneath our feet feels alien
and scratchy
the birds outside
we can pretend their night-time noises
are really our names
being spoken over the sound of the surf
as it hits the shoreline down below
I dream of the moon
reflected in those waters
the rough feel of your fingers
as they close around my wrist
holding me down a little bit longer
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